Monday, January 26, 2009

I'm trying to stay positive.
Everything is okay....
It could be worse right?
yes it could....
But, If it got ANY worse I wouldn't be able to bear it.

Teddy....
Is my best friend.
I have known him since October of last year.
He lives in Florida.
He is 17.
He doesn't have a car yet so we haven't met.
We talk until 4:00 in the morning most nights.
He has the most perfect personality.
The most gorgeous blue and green eyes.

You know when someone asks you... or even if your just think to your self....
What would the perfect person for me be like?
Honestly.... Teddy is THE perfect guy.

Three days ago he wasn't acting himself... at all.
So I asked him what the matter was.
And he told me that he was going in for cancer screenings the next day.
The next day we didn't talk.
I was so worried.
I used to think no one could be "everything" to me....
but suddenly I realized how alone I felt with out him.
I couldn't think of anything but him that day.
And i realized he WAS everything.

Today I talked to him.
I asked him what his screenings said.
"were they positive?"
no answer....
All i could say was "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry"

he has liver cancer....

I really dont know what to say.

I am too afraid to google it to see if Its actully something that could ....

hurt him....




I really don't know what to say.
I just want him to be his self again.
i just don't want to worry.
I love him too much.


But that's not even all...


i feel like I am liveing in a soap opera right now.
but I know its not going to go away.

My friend John, who is amazing too.
i don't love him like i love teddy.
But He is like... well, like a fourth brother to me. haha

He's leaveing to gorgia....
he enlisted in the Army.

he says it's what he wants to do.

he is leaveing in march.




I'm NOT a sad person....
I write sad poetry....
and sad storys....
and i draw sad pictures....

But I am NOT a sad person....
And I can't take all this.

I miss the old teddy,
and theres only a matter of time before John is gone too.

I'm crying.
Which I havent done for ... well truthfully months.

I wish i could be happy.
And I wish I didnt write this...

Because I dont want to make who ever is reading this sad too....


i will try and have some good news tomorrow.

XXXJessie