Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A dream from last night... Do not read if you have a faint heart...


"He's dieing!" I cried.
"No, how do you know he isn't a murderer... a rapist.... some nasty old pedophile!" My mom yelled back at me.
"You can come with me! You'll see! He's not a murderer and he's only seventeen! i need to meet him. He is going to DIE!" I could feel warm puddles beneath my eyes.
My mom looked at me quizzically.
I wished, I wished really hard.
Suddenly, we were at the airport.
We ordered two tickets to Orlando.
The plane ride only took a few moments.
Tears fell down my face.
"He's going to die.... I'll never get to move to San Fransisco with him.... or eat red jelly beans on the beach.... I'll never hide under the covers with him, from big, scary invisible monsters.... All i can do is watch the cancer slowly eat him away!" I thought panicking.
I looked out the plane window to the dark ground below.
We landed.
Somehow my mother and i knew just which hospital to go to.
When we walked in it was much like a cheap motel.
We walked right past the Nurse at the "Check In" desk.
We rode up and up and up in an extremly tall elevator.
I burried my face in my mother chest and sobbed.
The elevator stopped and I rushed out and slammed into a little girl in a wheel chair.
I looked down at her.
her face seemed to be rotted out.
There was a sickly twist in my stomache.
I scrame and scrame and scrame.
The cancer had eaten away her face.
My mother pulled me away.
We turned into a hallway that looked alot like my doctors office.
We opened a door to the right.
And there he was.
laying in a hospital bed.
Only his head, neck, and upper chest were uncovered.
the rest of him was covered in a thick blue blanket.
He looked up at me with his blue and green eyes.
"Oh, Teddy." I whispered, still crying, I stood at the foot of his bed.
he looked up at me and smiled.
I looked back at my mom and she nodded.
I rushed to his side.
I ran my fingers down through his blonde hair.... something I had waited to do forever.
A tear fell down his cheek.
"t-teddy, don't cry. I lo...."
I wrapped my arms around his waist, trying to pull him up to me.
But it felt as if a water balloon had popped in my arms.
I held in my arms an empty blue blanket soaked in water.
Teddy groaned.
A clear liquid washed out of the blanket, pouring over the sides of the bed, onto the floor and my shoes and my waist and legs and jeans.
My mouth stood agape.
Teddys eyes slowly closed.
Their blue and green light gone.
His once pink cheeks went pale.
I couldn't breathe.
I choked hard "lo- lo- love YOU!"
I fell to the wet floor.
Stretching my arms out to either side of me.
I scrame.
I closed my eyes as tight as I could and scrame.

"JESSICA!" I heard.

I woke up.
my alarm clock said 4:21.
"JESSICA! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" My step brother yelled through my bedroom door.
My pillow was soaking wet.

i ran out of my room and knelt over the toilet.
I felt as if i was going to throw up all my insides but i just sobbed over the toilet rim.

My brother slowly opened the bathroom door.
"Hey, you okay?"
I didn't want to answer....
"Hey, listen, i'm sorry for yellin..."
"SHUT UP!" I turned and yelled at him then looked back into the toilet.